The Twelve Days of Crunch Time

Dec 25, 2004

The Twelve Days of Crunch Time
A poem by Gilbert and Kauzlaric

On the twelfth day of crunch time,
My project gave to me...


Twelve cents in royalties,


Eleven kiss-ass previews,


Ten nerdy testers,


Nine patent lawsuits,


Eight unplanned for features,


Seven frames a second,


Six angry spouses,


Five focus groups!


Four unstable hacks,


Three days without sleep,


Two surly artists,


and a crappy publishing deal.

Other people's comments:

Posted by SiN on Dec 14, 2004 five past nine am

lol :) ... so we should be expecting an update everyday then?


SiN

Posted by Lord Dac on Dec 14, 2004 quarter to ten am

I think, "crappy publishing deal" is really your secret code for... a solid anal probe by CHUD

Posted by me on Dec 14, 2004 ten past two pm

MI5?

Come on, man! Go back to it =P

Posted by johnsto on Dec 14, 2004 twenty five past three pm

I smell a new series...

Posted by Birthe on Dec 14, 2004 twenty to midnight

Wow, this is poetic, it's like well... shakespear of ecstasy lol

Posted by nowak on Dec 15, 2004 ten to nine am

Dude. No self-respecting surly artist would wear a "Hole" shirt. tsk tsk.

Posted by Poppa Culture on Dec 15, 2004 five past nine am

That's assuming there are any self-respecting artists.

Posted by Hullabaloo on Dec 15, 2004 five past ten am

Maybe it's not the band. Maybe he just generally likes concavities.

Posted by Harun on Dec 15, 2004 five past eleven am

Or maybe the first one's a tool and the other one is an ass hole ;). (That brings me some unpleasant thougts of what could happen between them... )

Posted by Zonk on Dec 16, 2004 twenty five past nine am

Hehehe. This is most excellent.

I'm going to have to slashdot this on December 24th. :)

Posted by omloflump on Dec 16, 2004 twenty five past eleven pm

Just out of interest, in Monkey Island 2 there's a bit where a dog takes LeChuck's hand or maybe his leg I forget, but was that by any chance a reference to the film 'Yojimbo'?. I doubt it, but I just thought I'd ask.

Posted by David Thomsen on Dec 17, 2004 twenty past seven pm

I admire the randomness of this question.

Posted by Aussie Ben on Dec 18, 2004 ten to nine pm

I think it was just an excuse to get Walt to cameo again, personally.

Posted by Someone on Dec 19, 2004 quarter past seven am

I think you mean "Fiiiiiive fo-ocus groooups!"

Posted by cwb on Dec 19, 2004 ten to eight am

I like the guy on the end in the focus group. He likes everything!

Posted by Bearded barbarian on Dec 20, 2004 quarter to ten am

bam, bam. He shot me dead.

Posted by AdamW on Dec 21, 2004 twenty five to seven pm

If only the guy carrying two swords had been carrying sword chucks, in homage to 8-bit Theater. Ah well, a golden opportunity missed. :)

Posted by kingzjester on Dec 22, 2004 five to noon

What are all the patents that you dared to infringe?

Posted by slicklizard on Dec 22, 2004 half past noon

is it just me or do three of the patents say fun, big boobs and corn.
can you get a patent on fun?

Posted by Marek on Dec 23, 2004 ten to eleven am

Yes, it was patented by Electronic Arts back in 1983. Every fun game since then has had to pay royalties to them. That's just how the business works.

Posted by Mess on Dec 25, 2004 quarter past two pm

So.. you're saying that the only company making genuine fun games is EA?

Posted by Flirbnic on Dec 22, 2004 one pm

I see a patent for "story" as well.

Posted by Ron Gilbert on Dec 22, 2004 five past one pm

Based on the sad state of the story game market, I doubt that's a patent that's being fought over too much.

Posted by Paul Du Bois on Dec 22, 2004 half past one pm

What's between "fun" and "big boobs"?
In the picture, I mean.

Posted by Kingzjester on Dec 22, 2004 quarter past four pm

I see: high score, something, fun, something, big boobs, thong (?), story, corn, viagra (?). I don't know what the  somethings are. And I am curious. I am also a dedicated and loyal reader. I want my curiosity satisfied or I'm taking my business elsewhere!

Posted by PaG on Dec 22, 2004 nine pm

The second something seems to be "Princess", which makes it:
high score, something, fun, princess, big boobs, thong, story, corn, viagra

Posted by Eggie on Dec 23, 2004 five to four am

Gah. That song is impossible to sing, how am I supposed to say 'three days without sleep' in three syllables?

Posted by Hullabaloo on Dec 23, 2004 ten am

It sort of works if you cram in more eighth notes. Not exactly euphonious, but it can be sung without serious injury.

Posted by Lemon on Dec 24, 2004 four am

How about "Three sleepless days"?
Come to think of it, "Three sleepless nights" may make more sense...

Posted by spaceJASE on Dec 23, 2004 half past five am

High-Score, Sword-Gun, Fun, Process, Big Boobs, Thong, Story, Corn, Viagra
:)
~a surly artist

Posted by Jeff LeBoeuf on Dec 23, 2004 twenty to one pm

This is great,  looking forward to the last few pieces.

Just dropping some props and what-not. :)

Posted by Someone on Dec 23, 2004 quarter past eight pm

Props up the big E for esoteric developer joke!

Posted by Rolken on Dec 24, 2004 half past nine am

This article just got slashdotted :)

http://games.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/12/23/1724231

Posted by rte on Dec 26, 2004 ten to eight am

do most developers actually get 12c in royalties? I thought they normally make a lot less then that.

Posted by Swifty D on Jan 25, 2005 quarter past four pm

Not much less... only 12c less, in fact.

Posted by enchanter on Jan 1, 2005 twenty past ten pm

Are those artists penny arcade? ^_^

Posted by coldacid on Jan 27, 2005 five pm

Nope.

Posted by Pirate Jen on Feb 21, 2005 ten to eleven pm

During a particularly trying time in crunch another tester and I made up The Twelves Days of Testing to celebrate the utter horror of the not-quite-gmc build of our game.  We got in a bit of trouble for inciting giggles across the console side of the floor somewhere around the time we yelled "seven frames per second."  Glad(?) to know we weren't alone.

Posted by qwde on Aug 15, 2006 ten past four am

http://grumpygamer.com/2415534

Posted by Jackbrush Threepdagnac on Aug 30, 2006 twenty to two am

What is that crap?


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