All of us at Grumpy Gamer - from Sharon in sales to the three guys who pretend to be me at conventions and court ordered urine tests - would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, but we're not going to because it's a stupid holiday.
I stopped liking Christmas at the point that I had enough money to buy the things I wanted, which really shows you the true spirit behind this crappy time of the year.
Maybe I'm just bitter because not a single one of you got me a brand new car with a big ribbon around it and a note saying "Thanks for Monkey Island". Oh sure, I got a bunch of corporate Christmas cards from everyone ranging from my insurance company to this law office that said Subpena, but those aren't real gifts. Real gifts are stuff you can take back for cash.
This year was especially bad because my local Starbucks put up Christmas decorations a week before Thanksgiving and started pimping cheerful music throughout the store that practically dared me to not have a happy holiday. It's a dare I accepted with relish (sweet, not dill) and am happy to report I am winning hands down.
I still haven't played any of the block-buster games I purchased this season, but have vowed to break open WoW before the new year and generally kick everyones ass with my +10 stare-of-grumpiness since the goal of any MMOG is to destroy the experience for everyone else. It's strange how art imitates life.
My only concession to the Holidays is a nightly eggnog laced with Jamaican rum while I watch the latest CSI and scream at the TV over the ridiculous way they can enhance a blurry security camera image. Are people so stupid to actually believe this?
For the first year in a row, the Grumpy Gamer site failed to make Google's top searches of the year list, which is OK because my 2004 New Year's resolution of becoming the #1 search result for the word grumpy came true, knocking the band GRUMPY from the top spot. Maybe I'll get them to do the sound-track to my new game. Nothing sells a game better than a name band slapping a has-been song on to it.
But, just to show you that all the Holiday spirit hasn't been sucked out of me by the unblinking eye of the corporate machine, I'm going to give away free copies of Dave Grossman's excellent book "Ode to Stuff in the Sink" to everyone that contacts me with a one sentence reason why 2005 will be the best year for gaming yet. Please include your name and mailing address. You'll know you won when a book shows up in the mail.
Oh, and when I say "everyone", I mean 10 people chosen at random. So sue me.