Happy Bleeping Holiday

Dec 23, 2004 five past noon

All of us at Grumpy Gamer - from Sharon in sales to the three guys who pretend to be me at conventions and court ordered urine tests - would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, but we're not going to because it's a stupid holiday.

I stopped liking Christmas at the point that I had enough money to buy the things I wanted, which really shows you the true spirit behind this crappy time of the year.

Maybe I'm just bitter because not a single one of you got me a brand new car with a big ribbon around it and a note saying "Thanks for Monkey Island".  Oh sure, I got a bunch of corporate Christmas cards from everyone ranging from my insurance company to this law office that said Subpena, but those aren't real gifts.  Real gifts are stuff you can take back for cash.

This year was especially bad because my local Starbucks put up Christmas decorations a week before Thanksgiving and started pimping cheerful music throughout the store that practically dared me to not have a happy holiday.  It's a dare I accepted with relish (sweet, not dill) and am happy to report I am winning hands down.

I still haven't played any of the block-buster games I purchased this season, but have vowed to break open WoW before the new year and generally kick everyones ass with my +10 stare-of-grumpiness since the goal of any MMOG is to destroy the experience for everyone else.  It's strange how art imitates life.

My only concession to the Holidays is a nightly eggnog laced with Jamaican rum while I watch the latest CSI and scream at the TV over the ridiculous way they can enhance a blurry security camera image.  Are people so stupid to actually believe this?

For the first year in a row, the Grumpy Gamer site failed to make Google's top searches of the year list, which is OK because my 2004 New Year's resolution of becoming the #1 search result for the word grumpy came true, knocking the band GRUMPY from the top spot.  Maybe I'll get them to do the sound-track to my new game.  Nothing sells a game better than a name band slapping a has-been song on to it.

But, just to show you that all the Holiday spirit hasn't been sucked out of me by the unblinking eye of the corporate machine, I'm going to give away free copies of Dave Grossman's excellent book "Ode to Stuff in the Sink" to everyone that contacts me with a one sentence reason why 2005 will be the best year for gaming yet.  Please include your name and mailing address.  You'll know you won when a book shows up in the mail.

Oh, and when I say "everyone", I mean 10 people chosen at random.  So sue me.

Other people's comments:

Posted by Byron on Dec 23, 2004 twenty past noon

This is very cool. But, i doubt if i win he'll ship it to Australia.. :-(

Cool comp anyways.
Thanks Ron!

Posted by shawno on Dec 23, 2004 twenty past noon

Well, the holidays were looking good for me, until my job was made irrelevent, and my best friend in Italy had some unforseen expenses drop by to say hello and devour her plane ticket home.
Anyways, good luck to all of you out there. Buy stuff, get stuff, and hug your loved ones before they disappear across the ocean.
NOW who's grumpy, huh?

PS: CSI. I like when they blow up an image 10000X and get the ID of the killer from the reflection in the car window that's being reflected by someone's eyeball down the street from a broken mirror with blood on it. That's a cool trick.

Posted by Alan on Dec 23, 2004 twenty to one pm

On my LJ, I held a poll to see who really cares that it's Christmas. Out of some amount of people, I think it was like 5 or 6, only 1 person cared.

Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that nobody loves Christmas anymore. Well, except 1 guy.

Personally, I love Christmas because it's giving me some extra time off work so that I can work on my website. Now THAT'S some holiday cheer, I'm tellin ya.

Posted by THATinkjar on Dec 23, 2004 quarter to one pm

Next on "When Game Developers Go Crazy"...

Seriously, I am forever thankful for Monkey Island. Thank you a thousand times, sir!

Posted by Someone on Dec 23, 2004 quarter past one pm

aren't we all?

Posted by Drunk CSI watcher on Dec 23, 2004 five to two pm

CSI: I'm starting to develop a CSI drinking game, but I'm not too far yet. The rule is: while watching CSI, take a drink when:

1) Anyone says "petechial hemorrhaging" (happens at least once per episode, no matter which city)

2) Digital image is zoomed, without pixelation (i.e. with increasing detail).

Any other CSI cliches?

Posted by eloj on Dec 24, 2004 quarter past three am

How about "DNA Results While You Wait"?

Posted by Marek on Dec 23, 2004 two pm

Gees I already have Ode to Stuff in the Sink. THANKS FOR NOTHING RON THIS IS THE WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!

Posted by Gregory on Dec 23, 2004 five past two pm

Sounds like someone needs a hug. Or a heaping helping of Kwanzaa. One of your most intelligent fans started a forum thread about holiday traditions 'round the globe. Take your pick.

Google searches? Pish posh. You've been on my favorites for over a month. Get used to it, you're not going to get any Google searches from me. Just some standard hits. And the occasional comment. But only occasionally. I'm not one to whore myself out, not even for Monkey Island.

Speaking of which, why haven't you furnished your address so that one of us may send you that car? Hmm? Is it a matter of trust? Because if that's the case, I don't want to take part in your Grumpy holiday.

Good day to you, sir!

Posted by STN on Dec 23, 2004 quarter to six pm

"I stopped liking Christmas at the point that I had enough money to buy the things I wanted..."

That's probably the smartest thing I've ever read. Maybe I haven't read that much, maybe you're a genius... :-D

Merry X-Mas, dude!

Posted by jeremy on Dec 23, 2004 ten past six pm

art imitating life....ha!

Posted by Someone on Dec 23, 2004 eight pm

"I stopped liking Christmas at the point that I had enough money to buy the things I wanted, which really shows you the true spirit behind this crappy time of the year."

I don't think that this shows the true spirit of Christmas any more than a dozen crappy holiday movies do. I think it shows what the holiday means to you, Ron, you.

I don?t mind the stupid part of Christmas, mostly because of my incredible ability to tolerate stupidity. It also helps that I?m a sucker for the good part of Christmas.

[left anonymous so this little judgment doesn?t come back to haunt me. just so you know]

Posted by Jeff on Dec 23, 2004 quarter past eleven pm

CSI is a comedy, just done in the style of a drama.  It's a Bruckheimer production, the same guy who gave us "National Treasure" and "Armageddon."

Posted by Jonny on Dec 24, 2004 twenty five past four am

Hey Ron,
I get sickened by the commercialism of Christmas too, but I still can't help getting excited around this time of year...
Sure when we're kids it's all about Santa and toys but Christmas is special for me beacause it's a time to visit family and friends (ie. eat lots of food and tell crappy jokes!).
Looking outside my window I can see the snow beggining to lie on the ground, if it keeps up for a while longer the kids will be out on their sledges, almost the perfect Christmas scene.
I know I'm probably sickening you here but what I'm trying to say is Christmas is what YOU make it. It doesn't have to be all about buying gifts and watching repeats on TV.
I wish you a very Merry Christmas and luck and prosperity in 2005,
Jonny - Glasgow, Scotland

PS. Thank you for Monkey Island ;)

Posted by UncleJeet on Dec 24, 2004 ten to eight am

I've been playing through Thief 3 and Ultima 7 for the holidays.  There is still gaming fun to be had, you just have to look to the past - well, not too far in the past for Thief 3, anyway.  Still, in spite of the mockery that was Deus Ex 2, Thief 3 turned out to be excellent and faithful to the previous titles.

Posted by jeremy on Dec 24, 2004 twenty five past five pm

see, i told you scotland kicked ass.

Posted by John on Dec 26, 2004 half past four pm

USA invented Santa (i'm referring to the red coca-cola dressed fat guy), but Christmas exists from sixteen centuries and it has a deeper meant.
In my country people celebrate Christmas as it was celebrated before stores and malls.
I can't believe american traditions are so weak and easily commerciable.
But maybe here in Europe things are different...

Posted by UncleJeet on Dec 26, 2004 quarter to six pm

Bleh, America Bashing - everyone's favorite party game!  I'm pretty sure that Christmas is Europe involves buy and giving gifts just as it does in evil America.

Posted by UncleJeet on Dec 26, 2004 quarter to six pm

Wow.  I think I violated at least half a dozen laws of the language in that post.  Apologies.

Posted by Joshi on Dec 27, 2004 twenty five to ten am

I'm quite happy that all I now have to do is type grumpy into my firefox address bar and I'm brought straight here!

Posted by Escher on Dec 28, 2004 ten past five am

Ok, i'm late for the book but here's my entry for "one sentence reason why 2005 will be the best year for gaming yet": bullshit!
Anyway i must say that, as for me,  2005 is going to be wonderful gaming year since since i'm going to buy only the best 2004 games at half a price or less.

Posted by jemdos on Dec 28, 2004 quarter past eight am

Hmm. If I search "jemdos" in google, it pops up monkey island... hmmmm...

Thanks for Maniac Mansion, too XD

Posted by Joshi on Dec 28, 2004 twenty five to three pm

Checks above post because i'm one  of those annoying people who just has too, too bad it's in spanish

Posted by Oded Sharon - Buy A Car For Ron Gilbert on Jan 31, 2005 twenty five to six pm

Guy !!
This is it. I had a crazy insane idea a few nights ago, and I've finally
done it.

I've opened up a new website !!!

"Buy A Car For Ron Gilbert" is a website dedicated to the sole purpose of
donating a car for the a grumpy, needy, old school game developer.
There's something Ron Gilbert tends to complain about whenever someone mentions
the comparison between the game industry and the movie industry. He says
something like "if the game industry is so much like the movie industry, why
don't we get the fame and fortune movie stars do ?"

So I'm gonna start breaking the rules of the game industry and create the first
ever game designer fas site. And hopefully in the future, with enough support
from the fans, a fan club for Ron Gilbert.

I'd appreciate if any of you can link to my site, especially YOU ron, i'd love to hit your "what i'm surfing" block...

So, Good luck Ron, I hope you get a new car.


Posted by Real NC on Feb 7, 2005 quarter to ten am

Is there going to be an OpenGL version of Monkey Island 1? It's better to find out what the secret is in 3D. If we ever find out. Guess not.

Posted by Akomander on Mar 27, 2005 five past five pm

I�ll donate money for the "car4ron" project, if he promises to tell us the secret of monkey island/big whoop when he gets the car... xD

P.D.: I paid money for the game in it�s heyday, that was a good way to say thank you I guess...

Posted by drunkymonkey on Apr 23, 2005 twenty five past eight am

well, it'a april now, better start putting the christmas lights up, i guess.

Posted by Kenn on Apr 23, 2005 quarter to two pm

Thank you for Monkey Island.... now make the next one... now.

make it cool. add guns and exploding chickens. also the adittion of a multiplayer mode and graphical accerlation would be good. also exclude the following characters, Guybrush, Elaine and Lechuck. Center it entirely on Murray. That would make a fine Chrismas gift. ;) did i mention that you should add exploding chickens?

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